I always would stand in the longest line at the supermarket so I would have time to peruse this latest black-and-white tabloid with its eye-catching headlines. That's where I found out that a "SPACE ALIEN BACKS BUSH FOR PRESIDENT!" (see above photo)
So now where am I going to get the latest on Bat Boy? Or Elvis? Or Bigfoot?
Well, actually, you can get them online now. The Weekly World News will be available exclusively in cyberspace.
But it's not going to be the same.
That kind of stuff is all over the Internet anyway. No novelty.
In its pulp form, The Weekly World News was something that made a trip to the supermarket special. You didn't mind the people ahead of you getting ready to check out with a fistful of coupons. Or the dimwit check-writer who didn't make out his check until his total was rung up.
My Weekly World News fix made the whole supermarket trip tolerable.
Now, I'm going to have to take my laptop with me on my next grocery run. Man, I hope they have a Wi-Fi hot spot.
In fact, she castigated the fan from the stage, never missing a dance beat. Watch the video at TMZ. (How do they get this stuff?)
No such funny business during the country music supercouple's concert Sunday at the AAC in Dallas. But we do think there's a country song in here somewhere. That's what we'll be spending the rest of the day doing here behind the supply cabinet. Who knows? Maybe our song will even make the next list of top 100 country songs. They could even record it at Big Balls of Cowtown.
Norm Duke, Chris Barnes and Tommy Jones performed trick shots throughout the show, and even showed off their extremely white legs during footage from rehearsal, where they were wearing some unforturnate shorts. Letterman was under the weather last night, but he gave the bowlers plenty of face time, more than guests Andy Samberg and Catherine Bell, who, if Dave had been feeling 100 percent, I'm sure he would have fawned all over. I would have.
I'm not sure if Dave's a bowler, but if he is I would love to challenge him to a match. (I am the country's only bowling with celebrities columnist, if I haven't mentioned that a million times.)
As proof that Dave loves bowling (and animals), check out this Hamster bowling from back in the day. It's a hoot.
If you happened by a TV this afternoon, you no doubt saw the mesmerizing police chase through Dallas and Collin counties. Usually, we never find out what the perp did, but in this case the explanation is almost as interesting as the chase. The driver swears he was rushing his dying cat to the vet.
Police took him into custody anyway, but, hey, it could be true. And if it is, pet lovers everywhere will be calling for his exoneration. If not, at least he gets points for originality.
If you see a lot of husky men with whistles walking around downtown this week, don't by alarmed. It's just the Texas High School Coaches Association's 75th annual meeting. It's going on through Wednesday at the convention center, and in Texas high school football means big business -- and we're not just talking about the size of the coaches' shorts.
One small step for man ... 12 giant leaps toward sobriety???
That could become the new mantra at NASA, where reports this morning suggest that some astronauts have been flying tipsy, snockered, boozed up -- OK, sloppy drunk. They were blasted when they blasted off. (I could go on.)
Who knew astronauts were such party animals? Remember the lovestruck diaper-dandy Lisa Nowak and her love triangle/stalking incident? And now this. Looks like it's last call for NASA. Or, at the very least, we're switching them to coffee.
And, more importantly, what would Major Anthony Nelson say. He'd probably feel conflicted, and then have Jeannie blink the whole controversy away. Bet there are a few folks at NASA scrambling to call Barbara Eden.
And while we're feeling a little tipsy with glee over this silly story, this give us an excuse to list to the I Dream of Jeannie Theme, which Albino Bowler points out, is the perfect cocktail party music.
Who'da thunk it? The Miller High Life man is from Fort Worth. Read all about him in Cary Darling's story today. And if you're in the mood for a brew tonight, join Windell Middlebrooks (that's his name, BTW) as he bar-hops in Sundance Square tonight.
Meanwhile, watch him work in three memorable Miller High life spots. If you haven't seen the ads, Middlebrooks is a High Life delivery man with a taste for justice. He actually pulls his beer out of nose-in-the-air restaurants and overpriced grocery stores. It's a hoot.
Some of my favorite lines: "Step aside, mon ami ... $11.50 for a hamburger!! Ya'll must be crazy." And, "Clean up on aisle common sense."