Here's a snippet of Mark Cuban's thoughts from his blog on last night's near disaster on DWTS:
"It did not feel good to be standing up there having the lowest score for Tuesday night. It definitely hurt. I kept looking to my family as they struggled to smile and show their support. I definitely did not want to go home."
Hang in there, big guy. There's always a spot on the bowling team with me and Josie Maran.
If you're Mark Cuban, tonight you're thanking the dancing gods for stiff-legged supermodels. Because if it weren't for Josie Maran, her perfect bod perched atop two left feet, our Mavs man would've been headed home to Big D.
That's right, Crazy Uncle Cube had to sweat it out in the bottom two couples tonight on DWTS, but unlike Dirk and the Mavs, he made it to the second round. (No sign of Nelly in the studio audience.)
Clearly, Cube's got some image boosting to do beyond the DFW market, because there's no way he should have been in this position. He danced circles around Marie Osmond and Wayne Newton, both of whom move like overstuffed pickle barrels.
So, what was it? The hip replacement scar and hairy butt cheek he flashed? His incessant karaoke to King of the Road? Or simply his embarrassingly large wallet. We'll never know.
I wouldn't put it past Donald Trump, whom Cuban called a big, fat idiot just yesterday, to try to singlehandedly sink Cuban by buying a call center somewhere in India and pumping up the votes for bubblehead boys Albert and Cameron. Bet the Donald was laughing his hair off watching Cuban squirm.
But alas, the Maverick lives to dance another week. Long live the Maverick.
p.s. Josie, honey, call me. I've got a bowling shirt with your name on it.
It's not out of the realm of possiblity that Markie Mark could get the boot tonight. While I like him in a bowling buddy kind of way, his billionaire kid-in-the-candy-store persona might not play to a mass audience.
I hope that's not the case, and, as I said earlier, looks like Josie Maran will be the sacrificial supermodel tonight.
In other Cuban news, watch him take aim at longtime nemesis Donald Trump, who dug his paws into Dan Rather recently. Cubie defends Dan and gives the Donald what for in this Access Hollywood video. (Thanks to fellow blogmeister Robert Philpot for directing me here).
I still say the Cube was solid last night, but opinions were mixed out there on the web:
This from theSan Jose Mercury News: I was really expecting billionaire Mark Cuban (21) to be Tucker Carlson incarnate. But taking into account that Cuban just had his hip replaced, the Dallas Mavericks owner did much better than I expected. His over-the-top facial expressions and lip-syncing, however, have got to go.
MSNwas not so kind: Significantly less charming, dot-com billionaire, Mavericks owner and self-proclaimed “wild man,” Mark Cuban started things off with one major setback. And it wasn’t his personality. No, it was the fact that just seven weeks before rehearsal began, he had hip replacement surgery. It showed during training, where despite Kym Johnson’s best efforts, he appeared lumbering, sweaty and in no shape for what lie ahead. Sure enough, come stage time, he just wasn’t up to par. His campy faces and lip-synching distracted from some of his awful moves, but not most of them.
And this fromTV Squad blog: Overall, the routine was safe and conservative. The routine was missing challenging moves, and there really wasn't a wow moment. Mark isn't very athletic, but I was impressed that he tried lifting Kym off her feet slightly. He was even able to jump up and click his heels at the end.
Now that you've heard my half-baked opinion of how Mr. Mavs did last night on DWTS, here are some cogent thoughts from someone who knows what she's talking about,Shella Sattler, director of the Dallas Mavericks Dancers and owner of the Dallas Power House of Dance. She was nice enough to e-mail in her review this morning:
"Mark Cuban was truly entertaining tonight on Dancing with the Stars. His personality and showmanship made up for what he lacked in dance technique.
"Mark has always been aware of how hard the Dallas Mavericks Dancers train and now after this experience, I believe he has a true understanding of what it takes to be a professional dancer. It doesn't matter if he is watching the Mavericks from courtside or dancing on national television, his passion and determination to succeed is obvious. No matter what dance form is given to him to perform, I believe his radiant personality will win over the judges and audience.
"Mark knows how to use his strengths and that was very apparent tonight."
And he was soooo much better than the male model (that's from me).
Mark Cuban is like that eccentric, filthy rich uncle we all wish we had. Sure, he's going to do something embarrassing at Thanksgiving, but damn, he is fun to be around -- and he can pay off your credit car debt with his pocket change.
Crazy Uncle Cube didn't disappoint on his first turn in the spotlight on Dancing with the Stars. He was light on his feet, fox-trotting around the stage and mouthing every word to Roger Miller's King of the Road. Judge Carrie Ann Inaba even remarked that his "tongue was dancing" more than he was, but so what. She was wearing more cleavage glitter than all of Wayne Newton's showgirls combined. So there.
Sure, we all could have lived without seeing Cuban's hip replacement scar and hairy butt cheek -- in HD, no less!!!!! But he is who he is. A billionaire kook who just might be a contender in this competition.
In the pre-dance profile, we saw him taking notes and working hard with his partner Kym Johnson. And he even worked a modified Butter Churn into his fox trot. The judges were somewhat patronizing -- Len said "it wasn't dancefloor disaster but it's not ballroom bliss, either." But Cuban scored 21 points and he's definitely got more chops than all of the men, with the possible exception of Helio Castroneves.
Poor Wayne Newton danced like a Madame Tousseau's wax figure, and then Cheryl Burke had the nerve to say he might just be the best partner she's had. Um, hello, what about Emmitt!?!
I'd say Cuban is a safe bet to survive tomorrow's elimination show. Josie is DDW -- dead dancer waltzing. They even cut to a closeup of her when host Tom Bergeron said someone will be going home tomorrow night. Wonder who? It's not fair I tell you. She's so hot. Get rid of that Albert Reed loser.
That's all for now, but check in tomorrow morning when we may have a critique of Cuban's dance skills from the head of the Mavs dancers. In the meantime, check out his blog post about opening night.
Helio Castroneves, the two-time Indy 500 winner, was "on cruise control" for his fox trot with last year's champ Julianne Hough, who makes anyone look good. She deserves her own show. They look like the couple to beat so far.
But I've got a bone to pick with the judges and their reaction to Albert Reed, the hunky male model whose hip gyrations and crotch action had them salivating.
SO, when supermodel Josie Maran takes the classy route and doesn't play up her sexuality, she gets shooed off the stage. But when this himbo, who makes Zoolander look like Einstein, shakes his groove thang a few times in Bruno's direction, that's OK. Can you say double standard? He scored 21 points, 19 of which were for his waxed chest and tight leotard.
The first two men have danced and it's looking pretty good for Mark Cuban. Cameron Mathison from All My Children dances like a soap star -- looks good; acts stiff. And Floyd Mayweather, the "pound-for-pound best boxer in the world" took it on the chin from the judges for his cha-cha, which resembled a wobbly bob and weave. He could be down for the count with a pitiful 18-point total.
All of this bodes well for Cubie, if only he can keep from inserting the Butter Churn into his cha-cha.