When I was on vacation last week, I had the pleasure of bowling (as a celebrity?!?) in the Sam Hornisch Jr. classic, put on by Texas Motor Speedway charities. I got to roll a couple of games and knock back a few beers with some nice folks -- and one particuarly competitive lady (Linda Daymude) who broke a nail, but fought through the pain to finish with a 136. Brave soul.
But I bowled like crap. Two games in the 160s, both of which made me realize that I'm only a good bowler in my mind. Everywhere else, I'm a middle-aged man who has lost his mojo.
Deep depression was about to sink in, and then I came across a couple of stories that made me think, hey, things could be a whole lot worse.
You might be tempted to watch the Dallas Cowboys play the Rams on Sunday at noon, just to see if Tony Romo keeps his pinky intact, but I've got a better option for ya:
It's a slam-dunk bowling event airing at the same time on ESPN. NBA stars Chris Paul, LeBron James, Dwayne Wade and former UT standout Kevin Durant will be teamed with pro bowlers for a tournament that's likely to be more entertaining than watching the 'Boys struggle to eek out a win over a dreadful St. Louis squad.
Clearly, he has anger issues, judging from his latest throwdown with a fan at a bowling alley in Utah. But you'd be perpetually p.o.'d, too, if you'd grown up on TV with Mr. Drummond and that Hazel-wannabe Mrs. Garret.
Besides, Gary's occasional mad moments are child's play compared to the felonious antics of his kiddie co-star Todd Bridges and Dana Plato, may she rest in peace.
So give a Gary a break. And would somebody please find out the most important detail of this story:
If you didn't already know (and shame on you if you didn't), this is National Bowling Week. It started Saturday, the day before my birthday, and it continues through this Saturday, when bowlers throughout America will attempt to set a record for the most single games bowled in a day.
I kicked off NBW at Cowtown Lanes on Saturday. My family and friends took me out for my birthday, and I was feted with some awesome bowling paraphernalia, including a clock with pins and a replica of The Dude's bowling shirt from The Big Lebowski. I also received a guilty pleasures handbook -- something I know a thing or two about -- and an "I Don't Roll on Shabbos" T-shirt.
In other words, it was a perfect day.
But the fun doesn't have to stop there. Don't forget to do your part on Saturday to set a record. You'll even get a nifty certificate, and a place in bowling history.
I was saying to friends last week that I can't muster much interest in the Olympics (beyond the political trainwreck possibilities in Beijing).
Why? Because bowling, despite some reports to the contrary, is not part of the Games. That's one reason.
Bowling poobahs are working hard to undo this injustice. And you can see here that when the time comes, U.S. bowlers will be ready. In the meantime, I must get one of those wrist guards with the sensors in it.
With the release of Hancock today, Will Smith is everywhere. But he's not where I'd like him to be, which is in a bowling alley with me. He's always been high on my wish list of celebrity bowling partners, especially after I heard that he has rented out a bowling house in Miami for his birthday party in the past.
I couldn't find any video of him bowling, but I did find a Fresh Prince clip where he tries to teach a hapless Carlton how to roll. It's painful, literally.