Now that you've cleaned off all the pumpkin pie and prepare to contend with leftover turkey sandwiches through Christmas, enjoy our picks for political turkeys of the year:
On March 4, Texas Democrats voted in the state primary. And at 7 p.m., the polls closed and the votes were counted.
Just kidding. It wasn’t really that simple. The Democratic primary was not a winner-take-all, but instead delegates were allocated based on the percentage of votes that the candidates won. And to make matters more confusing, only 126 of the state’s 193 pledged delegates were divvied up to Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.
What happened to the other 67 pledged delegates? Democrats would caucus in the evening to assign those.
The state party has used this method of determining delegates since 1976, but this year’s high turnout overwhelmed the system and the caucus lasted for hours at many precinct locations. The district conventions later that month were even more disastrous. People waited hours in long lines to check in and were stuck in schools and coliseums all day, sometimes with no food or water. People got cranky, left early, vowed never to caucus again. Tempers flared. In Dallas, a precinct chairwoman claimed she was chased to a police station by an angry mob. Oh, and did we tell you that another 35 delegates were superdelegates, which meant that voters had no say in which candidate got those votes?
Democrats, we are not impressed. We think this turkey has one seriously messed-up left wing.
In January, Edwards was running for president, flashing his toothy smile and $400 haircut, coming in second in the Iowa Democratic caucus. By July, he was hiding out in the men’s room of the Beverly Hilton at 2:30 in the morning, running from a National Enquirer photographer. How did it all go so wrong?
Edwards eventually admitted he had had an affair with Rielle Hunter, a videographer he’d hired to work on his presidential campaign. He went on ABC’s Nightline in August to confess. The shining moment? When, in an effort to look a little less terrible, Edwards pointed out that he started the affair while his wife Elizabeth’s cancer was in remission.
John Edwards, we take great pleasure in carving you up. You’ll be served with a garnish of bitter disappointment.