Texas Gov. Rick Perry made his comeback Saturday night at D.C.'s Gridiron dinner - the political/press bash (white tie and tails, no less) that lets reporters make fun of politicos, and in Perry's case, let him make fun of himself.
It was kind of like Perry at the Improv - epecially when, in one of the night's biggest lines, he said, "The weakest Republican field in history and they kicked my butt!"
"So, OK, let's get my campaign performance out of the way right up front," said Perry.
"Now, yes, I admit that I did accidentally say that the American Revolution occurred in the 16th century.
"Hey, folks, they call the 1500s the 16th century . . . the 1600s the 17th century . . . the 1700s the 18th century and so forth.
"See, there's a flaw in the system. . .
"Now, yes, it' true I also accidentally said the voting age was 21. What I did was I asked for the support of those, quote, who will be 21 by November 12th . . . which isn't even election day.
"So, yeah, I lose the voters under 21, but they would have voted on the wrong day anyway.
"At that point my gaffes started to cancel each other out.
"Some said my debating style is very similar to that other Texas Cicero, George W. Bush…
…The only difference between George and me is that I say, 'Oops.'
. . .
"With all my gaffes, people forget that I once led the Republican primary race. It was the most exhilarating 3 hours of my life."
Here's how Perry singed his GOP opponents:
Mitt Romney: "You know, it was weird standing next to him at the debates. I kept waiting for him to say, 'Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?'
But look, I like Mitt Romney as much as one really good-looking man can like another really good-looking man . . . without breaking the law in Texas."
Rick Santorum: "I used to have so much fun needling Rick. I'd say, 'Now, tell me again, which one of the Village People were you? The Indian or the policeman?'"
Ron Paul: "I got to know him a bit. He reminds you so much of a crazy uncle - you kind of expect him to pull a nickel out of your ear."
Newt Gingrich. "He's like the Pillsbury Dough Boy with this really huge brain. I endorsed Newt because he told me if he's elected, he'd name me the commander of Moon Base Alpha."
And sitting at the head table with him was the Democratic speaker for the evening: DNC Chairwoman, Debbie Wasserman Schultz.
"Even though Debbie and I are from different parties, she has been very complimentary. Earlier she told me, 'Rick, you don't know how sorry I am you won't be your party's nominee.'
"That's really sweet, darlin'," Perry said in what turned out to be a real crowd-pleasing moment.
"President Obama couldn't be here. I read he was in Korea at the DMZ. Would someone tell me why he had to go all the way to Korea to get a driver's license?….Must have something to do with that birth certificate thing."
Perry set his sights on Leon Panetta - who was subbing for Obama. Only thing is that Perry had called for Panetta to resign. "I regret saying that — partly because he's sitting right here ... and partly because, ever since, we've had Predator drones circling the governor's mansion."
Perry got a standing ovation, but earlier he got a pretty good mocking from the Gridiron members, who in over-the-top cowboy gear (including a horse costume) sang, "They call this man Rick Perry," to the tune of "They call the wind Maria":
"Rick Perry blew debates around
And sent the pundits flyin'
When OOPS became my fav'rite sound
My race was clearly dyin'"
-- Maria Recio
